It’s almost crazy how much having friends impacts your life.
Loneliness makes you feel terrible. It’s bad for your mental and physical health, as well as your overall well-being. It increases depressive symptoms and the likelihood of mood disorders.
Having friends protects your health as much as quitting smoking and even more than exercising will.
And having supportive friendships in old age is an even stronger predictor of well-being than strong family connections.
But these are just the basic reasons why friends are so important. Friends also help you achieve more, become happier, reduce stress, and give you better peace of mind.
If friends are this important to your life, how valuable are best friends?
Let’s put it this way:
Having no friends is like eating candy and fast food for every meal, without the short-term benefit of a great taste.
Having friends is like eating a well-balanced diet. You’re eating a lot of natural foods like fruits and vegetables. You’re getting the right amount of protein and you’re drinking plenty of water.
Well, having best friends is like eating spinach while you’re Popeye. It takes your life to the next level and allows you to experience meaning and happiness in a whole new realm.
Creating best friends is no easy feat. And not anyone can fit the bill. But if you are serious about finding your next partner in crime, here are three tips to help you get there.
3 Helpful Tips for Making Best Friends
1. The Friendship Formula
Devised by Dr. Jack Schafer, the Friendship Formula is the building block of any friendship and is equally important for making best friends. Here’s the formula:
Simply put, the Friendship Formula says that the more often you see someone, the longer you are around them each time, the closer you are to them physically, and the more stimulating the interaction, the better friends you will become.
Of course, many other things matter. You have to be considerate of their personal space, there should be a reason you’re around them, and you can’t throw all the other aspects of friendship, like being nice, a good listener, and fun, out the window.
What this is saying though, is that you will need to spend considerable time with someone in order to become best friends. It doesn’t mean that this will turn anyone into a best friend. It just means that this is a requirement for anyone to have a chance at being your next partner in crime.
For that reason, it’s vital that you find ways to spend time with people who could be your new best friends. Consistent Social Groups are great for accomplishing this – especially when you’re trying to meet new people to befriend. By joining groups that meet consistently, you are essentially guaranteeing that you’ll regularly hang out with people for long periods of time, usually while doing something stimulating.
However, work, school, or having reasons to hang out on your own terms (common interests and hobbies) are all great ways to spend higher quality and quantity of time with people too.
In essence, just make sure that you are finding ways to spend time with people you want to develop deeper relationships with.
2. The Commonalities That Matter
Celes from Personal Excellence has a great article on making best friends. She has many great points, like “be a great friend to others first,” “focus on the positives, not the negatives,” and “share your life.” When you get into the details, these are all very valid statements.
But there is one tip she provides that I want to discuss in more detail because of how important it truly is. It’s point four on her list and titled, “Get to know them vs. fringe topics.”
In essence, Celes argues that in order to become someone’s best friend you have to truly know them. You have to move beyond small talk and fringe topics like the news, the weather, and pop culture. You need to learn about their dreams and goals, their fears and struggles.
And she says that the way to get there is to learn about them personally. How are they doing? Do they like their job? What do they like about it? What’s on their mind?
Then, after you start to get to know them personally, you can start asking about their aspirations, motivations, fears, and dreams. This is where you’ll find those deep, meaningful insights about the other person.
But I’d add one more thing here. Not only do you want to find the other person’s dreams, goals, passions, fears, and other deep values and beliefs, but you want to connect with the ones that you share. This is the holy grail of making best friends – connecting on the most important things in your life.
For example, my buddy Joachim and I share a passion for self-sufficiency, setting (and accomplishing) big goals, and anything outdoors. Jeff, the best man in my wedding, and I love discussing business and investing and talk about the businesses and industries we work in, and get into the nitty-gritty to learn as much as we can.
All of my best friends share interests, passions, and goals with me that are extremely important to us. We don’t have the exact same aspirations and beliefs, but there’s always some overlap, and that’s more than enough.
3. Creating Together
This one is more of a bonus because it isn’t necessary for your relationship with a best friend. But it can boost any friendship into best friend territory.
So what am I talking about? I’m talking about creating something with another person.
This can be music, a business, artwork, a group, a process, an idea, a belief, a physical object (like a table), a running trail, or literally anything you can think of.
If you find something you want to create, and you find someone that wants to create it with you, you are setting yourselves up for a potentially fruitful relationship. When you are creating something that is deeply meaningful to you with another person, the effects are extremely powerful. Not only are you sharing in a common goal, but you’re sharing in the accomplishment of that goal.
Even creating alone is powerful. I always encourage people to find something that brings them the joy and challenge of creating something meaningful. But when you add a partner to the mix, it can take the significance to a whole ‘nother level.
I’m not saying there won’t be any stress or friction from partnering up with another person, but if things work out in the end, they just might become a best friend.
Is That All That’s Needed?
No. Not even close. You’ll probably need to be a good person, a good friend, and a good listener. You’ll want to be fun and positive so they enjoy hanging out with you. And you’ll need to make sure that they are the right fit too. You don’t want to waste too much time trying to build a deep relationship with someone who will never be a good friend because you aren’t compatible.
However, these three tips can absolutely push you in the right direction. And sometimes it only takes one change to make a dramatic impact in your life.
If you want to learn more, you can get my free 8-lesson email course, Making New Friends The Easy Way and learn how to make new friends this month.
Just remember, certain things matter a lot to you. Now you just need to find other people who care about those same things.