I love the holidays.
I get to take time off work to hang out with family, celebrate with food, and enjoy the colder weather (although here in Huntington it’s supposed to be hot this week, ugh).
I’ve always loved Christmas, but I can’t say I’ve always enjoyed Thanksgiving the way I do now.
When I was younger, I struggled to relate and connect with my aunts and uncles, and even some of my cousins. I had one cousin, Clint, who I would run off and play with, getting into trouble somewhere around the house. I could talk to him like a best friend.
But it wasn’t like that with anyone else. I mean, how are you supposed to respond when your aunt asks, “Hi Robert, I see you cut your hair. Why’d you cut it so short?”
I wanted to say, “Because I fucking wanted to!”
But I didn’t have the balls or confidence to say that. It made me self-conscious, and I actually reconsidered why I cut my hair like that.
A lot’s changed since those days. I’ve built amazing relationships with my family members and truly enjoy the conversations I have with them.
So, as a Thanksgiving special, I’m going to give you three little tips to help you connect with people better, while focusing on the holidays.
1. Be Grateful
Ok, what would a Thanksgiving special be if I didn’t mention being grateful?
For me, I’m truly grateful to have you here reading this. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have a reason to sit here and type this out. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
And for you, this is the perfect time to appreciate what you do have. Whether you’re with your whole family or you’re by yourself eating out at a restaurant because you just moved and don’t know anyone, be thankful for the good things in life.
You might be alone, but you can be thankful for the job you just landed.
Maybe your dad didn’t care to show up, but you can be thankful your brothers did.
I have no idea what your situation looks like, and it might not be anywhere close to perfect, but you can still be thankful for what you do have.
This will put you in a better mood and you’ll be more positive with everyone you interact with. This, in turn, makes the conversations you have with people more enjoyable, and people connect better with those they enjoy being around.
Life might not be hunky-dory, but if you can’t appreciate the good things in your life, it’ll be hard for anyone to appreciate you.
2. Be Yourself
As a kid, I messed this one up badly.
I was the opposite of myself at Thanksgiving dinners. I would act politely and say what I thought people wanted to hear.
“I’m good, thanks. School is going well. Soccer is fun.” Those are the kinds of sentences I would sputter.
I would never say something like, “School is good, but I can’t stand this kid Doug. He sometimes picks on me, and when my friends aren’t around, I don’t know how to stand up for myself.”
But it’s not just because I couldn’t be vulnerable. I would never have responded to my aunt by saying, “Other than math, I find school to be dreadful. I’d rather be skateboarding with my friends.” Even though that was the complete truth.
When I was younger, I never wanted to say what I really thought. I only told people what I thought they wanted to hear.
This is terrible for connecting with people. No one wants to talk to a robot. People want to get to know you for who you are.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say something and immediately thought to myself, “OMG I can’t believe they just admitted that. But I like them more because they did.”
You don’t have to be extreme and tell people your deepest, darkest secrets. But you don’t want to give people cookie-cutter answers either.
Be honest and let people get to know the real you.
3. Be Present
In today’s day and age, people have so much on their mind. On top of that, they always have their cell phone within reach and are wondering what’s going on in that digital world.
Numerous studies show that people have fewer and weaker relationships today than they did 20 years ago. And it’s not surprising. A big reason is that they’re spending more time looking at a screen that they are looking at a face.
If you want to connect with people, you need to get away from this habit. You also need to take it a step further.
When talking to your uncle, listen intently. Make sure you understand what he’s saying. Be curious. Ask him questions about what he’s telling you.
You want to make sure you are fully there. If someone is talking, don’t get lost in your own head, paying zero attention to what they are saying.
If a group of you are talking to each other, don’t step to the side and pull out your phone to “check-in” on whatever it is you think is important. Trust me, it’s not.
Look the speaker in the eye and pay attention to what they are saying. Make little remarks that show you’re hearing them – “Oh really?” “No way!” – and let them see that you’re interested in them.
Your attention is one of the best gifts you can give to another person. Brighten up their holidays by giving them your full focus.
Enjoy Your Holidays
I don’t know what holidays you do or don’t celebrate, but I do hope that you enjoy them.
It’s a great time to put aside some of the things that are bothering you, appreciate the good things in your life, and have a good time.
If you can be grateful for what you have, let go and be yourself, and really focus on the people you’re spending time with, you’re giving yourself a great chance to really enjoy the holidays.
I hope that’s the case! And if you’re celebrating tomorrow, happy Thanksgiving!