Is small talk actually important?
It’s a great question to ask because it is such a big part of your life. Whether you’re at work, school, the coffee shop, soccer practice, a party, or even at home – you make small talk with everyone.
But before we answer it, let’s start by defining small talk. By definition, it is polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters. You know, talking about sports, the weather, a popular news event, Kanye’s latest rant, blah blah blah.
It seems so boring and insignificant. And don’t get me wrong, it can be. Many people see it as just “filler talk” – something to fill in the awkward silence. And some people actually hate small talk. Here are some quotes from real people about their thoughts on small talk:
“I just hate making small talk.”
“I hate being fake.”
“It’s so dumb. Why do people need to B.S. about nothing at all.”
As you can see, some people don’t understand how it could be important to small talk. So let’s answer the question: Is small talk ACTUALLY important? I am here to tell you that:
Being able to small talk is very important.
But…
If you are trying to make a meaningful relationship with someone, your goal is to move out of small talk and into a DEEPER CONVERSATION.
Let’s start with the first point – that being able to small talk is important. Small talk is generally used when you and another person don’t have anything better to talk about or you don’t care to have a deep conversation. When you are at the checkout line of the grocery store it is nice to small talk with the cashier because you only have a minute, so you neither of you really care to get into a deep conversation. Also, small talk can be fun, enjoyable banter that is way better than awkward silence.
However, when you actually want to get to know the other person and hope to move into a worthwhile conversation, small talk can be a great tool for getting you there. Here are some of the benefits that successful small talk can provide:
- You can display confidence, that you are fun, positive and uplifting, and that you are charismatic. Much of this will not be from the words you use, but from your body language, energy level, tonality, etc.
- You can garner trust, respect and comfort from the other person.
- You can gather information about the other person. This will be crucial for finding common interests, beliefs and emotions that will help you connect with them on a deeper level. It is also great for determining whether you want to spend the time to get to know them. Maybe they are rude and negative, and you decide that you prefer to just end the conversation.
- And most importantly, if you choose to get to know the person, you can build a bond with them while you small talk.
But…small talk by itself is not going to create rich relationships. You can think of it as a tool. Just as you wouldn’t take a hammer and go looking for nails to hit, you don’t take small talk and go looking for people to small talk with (unless you are trying to practice or you just feel like small talking with people). You use the hammer because you want to connect two pieces of wood with a nail, and that is the easiest way for you to do it. So if you want to get to know someone better, you will probably choose to use small talk before moving into a deeper conversation.
By asking questions, listening, opening up, sharing info about yourself and displaying nonverbal cues, you can have very successful small talk that paints you beautifully. It can really draw people to you and spark their interest in getting to know you better.
So if you are trying to connect with someone to create a real friendship or a valuable relationship, you should highly consider using small talk to create the initial bond before moving into a more thoughtful conversation.
Conclusion.
Small talk works wonders. Done properly, it will display your best qualities in a positive way. It will build trust, respect and comfort. You will get valuable information about the other person. And you will bond with them. And since it is just small talk, no one is very invested in the conversation. If you don’t like the topic at hand, don’t pretend to like it. Just talk about something else.
Remember – small talk is a tool, and it is a valuable tool. It can open doors that you would never expect. Practice it as often as possible and develop this skill to see the benefits it can provide. You can read this to improve your first impressions, which will give your small talking a lift. You can also use this article to help you start a conversation with a stranger.
If you have any questions, please ask in the comments below or email me at robriker@thesocialwinner.com. I read every comment and email and will do my best to respond to you.