From Zero Friends To Thriving Social Circle & How I Can Help You Do the Same

NOTE: THE BETA COURSE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE. YOU CAN CHECK OUT THE FULL FRIENDS FROM SCRATCH COURSE HERE. THANKS 🙂

I haven’t told this to anybody. At least not this version.

When I graduated college, I was on cloud nine. I had two job offers, and both were awesome opportunities.

I could do research for an impressive investment bank, or I could join a startup and help launch several funds on the New York Stock Exchange.

To make things more interesting, one job was based out of Vermont, where I’d be going to New York and Boston occasionally for work meetings. And the other was based in the coveted CAA building in Century City, a posh little section of Los Angeles.

By choosing my new job, I was also deciding where I was going to live, and where I would build my new social circle. A group full of fun and impressive people. That thought alone pumped adrenaline through my veins. And I couldn’t wait.

Only, that’s not what happened.

Six Months with NO Friends

I ended up choosing the job out of Vermont. As far as alone-time went, I couldn’t have had it better. I was living on a 100-acre property in the woods with a private lake. I had my own cabin and the property even had a basketball court.

It was great for self-reflection and alone-time.

However, it was not great for my social life. In fact, it couldn’t have been much worse.

Growing up and all the way through high school I played a lot of sports. Then in college, I joined a fraternity. For those reasons, making friends was actually not that difficult. They were pretty much “built-in.”

Unfortunately, that gave me a false sense of reality. I thought I’d be able to meet an amazing new group of friends wherever I went. Man, was I wrong.

I had no idea where to meet people. And because I didn’t know where to meet people, I didn’t put much effort into trying.

When I would go to a bookstore, grocery store or a shopping mall, every now and then I’d muster up the courage to make a conversation with someone. But that was the extent of my attempt to meet new people. And I didn’t come close to becoming friends with any of them.

As time went on, this really started to eat at me. I did a good job of enjoying my time alone by shooting hoops, kayaking, and enjoying freedom, but there were some dark moments where I got in my own head and felt extremely lonely and self-conscious.

I remember one specific moment when I was sitting on my bed just thinking to myself. I questioned whether I would ever live a life I actually enjoyed. I wondered if my dream of having awesome friends was only that – just a dream.

And it made me think even worse thoughts: Is there something wrong with me? Am I such a loser that I can’t make friends?

Finally, I grabbed the pillow next to me, smashed it against my face and yelled as loud as I could before crying for the first time in a really long time.

New City, Same Mistakes

Vermont definitely had its ups and downs, but it wasn’t always bad. I enjoyed working and spending time with my Aunt and Uncle. And I deceived myself into believing that my inability to make friends wasn’t my fault. I told myself that it was because I was in Vermont, where there weren’t many people and there wasn’t much to do.

Sure, being in a small town doesn’t help things. But I let it cripple me. I let that prevent me from even trying.

I caught a break when I was asked to move to Santa Fe, New Mexico. I’d have a chance to move to a bigger city with more going on.

Maybe now I could finally create my ideal social circle.

Sadly, things in Santa Fe weren’t much different than before. I’d go to the bookstore, maybe talk to a stranger or two, then go home friendless. Every now and then I’d even go to a bar by myself. That got depressing really quickly.

I was using the same tactics and, not surprisingly, still failing. I kept beating myself up and getting more and more upset with myself. And again, things rapidly went from exciting to depressing.

Luck + Perseverance = Small Success

Luckily, my life started to turn around after a couple months of being in Santa Fe. I made one friend, and he introduced me to another friend. I met a separate group of people, and slowly started becoming friends with each of them.

I attribute my early success to a few factors:

1. Reading the book Yes Man by Danny Wallace, which convinced me to start saying yes to everything and anything to make my life more interesting.
2. Finally meeting people in the right places and in the right ways – even though I didn’t do it knowingly at the time.
3. Being a pretty avid self-help reader. I can’t say exactly how it helped, but I know that I had become happier, more positive, more confident and more social at least partly because of everything I read.
4. Luck – there were a few things I did that made making friends much easier, and I didn’t even realize it at the time.
   • One example of this: Whenever I met someone new, I always told them that I was new to the city and that I was looking to meet people and make new friends. At the time I didn’t think much of it, but it’s actually really important that people know this. Otherwise, they may just assume you’re having a polite or fun conversation, and walk away forever when it’s done. However, when you do say it, if the other person has any interest in being friends with you, or even just considers themselves a nice person, then they will see you as a potential new friend or think about others who may want to connect with you.
5. End of judgment. I don’t remember what made me want to do this, but I told myself I would do my best to stop judging people, especially when they declined an invitation to hang out. It’s so easy to say, “Why don’t you want to hang out with me?” or just give someone shit for turning you down, even if you’re making it sound like you’re not serious. I decided I would just say, “No worries! Next time.” Or something along those lines, and let them know I had no issue with them saying no.

Combining all of this helped me ratchet up my friend making. My social circle grew. My popularity rose. And my friends starting becoming truly awesome friends.

I Reached My Goal and Figured Out How to Replicate My Achievements

Even though my social circle had become pretty solid, I didn’t want to stop and just, “call it good.” I wanted to hone the ability to meet people and make new friends.

So I decided to look back on what had worked (and what didn’t) and continued to do those things. Here are some things I learned:

• Knowing where to meet people is critical to making new friends.
• Being prepared to meet people ups your chances of turning them into a friend.
• Getting on a first name basis is a crucial first step.
• Letting the other person know that you’re looking for friends – without looking desperate or needy – gets the other person to see you as a potential new friend.
• Being enjoyable to be around is a must.
• Knowing how to keep in touch – being able to consistently reach out without being “too interested” – keeps the relationship moving forward.

None of the steps are terribly difficult when it comes to making new friends. It can be broken down into a process of smaller, more accomplishable actions.

I’ve used this system for almost seven years now and it’s worked wonders. The only time I end up alone is because I choose to be.

I’m still human though, and life definitely isn’t perfect. But I can say with complete honesty that making friends is no longer an issue I worry about. It’s been a long time since I’ve been lonely.

That’s why I’m excited to tell you that I’m opening up my beta course, Friends From Scratch.

For the first time ever, I’ll be opening the doors to my complete inner workings and process for creating new friends wherever you live, even if you just moved there and don’t know a single person.

In the course, you’ll learn things like:

• Finding the perfect places to meet people. Stop going to bars or malls by yourself and find places that YOU enjoy and where others WANT to meet you.
• Getting people interested in you immediately. Meet people the right way, so that conversation easily follows and they want to get to know YOU.
• Knowing exactly how to talk to these people. Never run out of things to say and learn how to make strong connections, so that THEY want to become YOUR friend.
• Inviting with confidence. Learn how to set yourself up so people are HOPING you’ll invite them to hang out again.
• Taking your friendship to the next level. Keep in touch, deepen your connection and turn acquaintances into best friends.

The course will consist of the following:

• A 4-week email crash course, where each week you will be given lessons and instructions, with homework for you to do.
• My personal review and feedback of your homework. You will submit your homework and I will go through it with you to help you refine it and make sure are moving forward in the right direction.
• 24/7 email access to me for any questions. Although it could take me a few days to respond, you can reach out to me at any time during the course to ask any questions to help you succeed.
• Initial 1-on-1 video chat. We will start with a 1-on-1 video chat before we begin the course so I can learn about your situation and get to know you.
• 4 additional weeks of implementation and follow-up. Since some of the events or activities can take a few week to join or attend, I don’t want the course to end before you make any new friends. For that reason, I will provide four additional weeks to keep in touch with you to monitor your progress and hold you accountable.

Since this is a beta course, there will not be any videos or fancy products. However, I will be here with you throughout the entire process. My goal with this course is for you to make at least one new friend, and I will do whatever it takes to see that through.

If you are interested in joining this my beta course Friends From Scratch, please fill out this application to see if we are the right fit for each other.

The course is for you if:

• You’ve just moved to a new city and want to meet new people and make friends.
• You don’t have the friends you want and are looking to meet and become friends with people whom you WOULD want to be friends with.
• You’re ambitious and willing to work hard to improve yourself, even if that means breaking through your comfort zone at times.
• You don’t give up. If you don’t make any new friends on your first attempt, or if the first 5 people you invite to hang out all say “no,” you’ll keep working at it until you get a yes.
• You think that people would like you if they got to know you. You just struggle to find these people, meet them in the right places, and get them to see you for who you are.

This course is NOT for you if:

• You’re looking for some easy, magic bullet to solve all your problems. Meeting people takes effort and a willingness to try things that may be uncomfortable. If you’re looking for something that takes all the work out of it, this is not for you.
• You’re a negative person and don’t want to change your personality. This course can do a lot of things, but if you’re negative and people don’t like being around you, there’s not much I can do to help.
• You have any mental or medical illnesses that impair your abilities to socialize with people. As much as I would love to help you, I don’t have experience or expertise in this field and do not know whether this system would be effective for you or not. There are many other professionals out there who should be able to better help you.
• You’re unwilling to change. To succeed, you may need to change some of your mindsets or habits, or just the way you act with people. If striving to change to make yourself better is not something you’re interested in doing, then please do not apply.

Since this is a beta course, I’m going to keep the price low and really focus on helping you succeed.

On top of that, you’ll get complete access to the full product for free once it’s created.

If you have any other questions I’d be more than happy to answer them. Just punch them in the comments below.

Otherwise, if you want you’re interested in joining, just fill out this application and I’ll let you know if Friends From Scratch is right for you.

-Rob

P.S. Room in the course is going to be very limited so that I can make sure to give each person the attention they deserve. Fill out the survey in the next few days to ensure you get a good chance of getting in.