I’ve been reading a lot about introversion lately, and one clear message is that introverts shouldn’t try to force themselves to be extroverts.
For example, my friend Nick is super extroverted. He’s often smiling with extremely confident body language, he talks a ton, and he speaks very loudly.
Now, not all of those qualities make him an extrovert. Introverts can be confident and social too. If you’re interested, here’s some good info about the difference between introversion and extroversion.
Back to Nick though. For some people, he can be overwhelming. But for many others, he’s a blast to be around. He’s positive and brings great energy.
So what’s a shy introvert to do? Stay quiet and shy, and let their conversations suffer? Or try to act extroverted like Nick, in a way that’s totally inauthentic with who they are?
Neither. If you speak quietly, with low confidence, it will be detrimental to all your interactions. And if you try to talk loudly like you can’t keep your mouth shut, it’s going to be exhausting and people will notice that it’s just not you.
So what do you do?
Bring up your energy, but stay true to who you are.
Good, positive energy is the lifeblood of an interaction. It’s what draws other people in, along with their energy, making the situation as a whole that much better.
Here are a few tips to help you increase your energy:
1. Speak Louder
Most people, especially shy or unconfident people, speak too softly and sound unsure of themselves. Don’t do that.
If you aren’t sure if you are speaking loud enough or not, try going louder. If you’re speaking too loud, people will let you know and you can adjust then and there. I sometimes have to tell my Mom to quiet down, and my wife sometimes has to tell me to bring it down a notch. No big deal.
You’re not trying to yell. You just want to project clearly with more “oomph” than the minimum volume needed for someone to hear you. This added volume forces more energy into your words and the interaction.
It’s especially important if you’re in a noisy environment like a restaurant, bar, or bowling alley. If it’s just your friend and you in their quiet house, you can tone it down some. But that doesn’t mean speak softly. You still want your voice to bring energy with it.
2. Show Excitement
My buddy Phil is so good at this. It’s one reason why I love him so much. Once, when I asked him if he’d want to play disc golf soon, he asked me if I’ve ever played footgolf before.
He got all energetic telling me how it works and how much fun it is. He quickly convinced me and we played the next weekend.
You might think, “Well, he’s passionate about footgolf. Of course he spoke with energy about it.” But that’s not really the case.
Sure, he likes it. But he speaks this way about most things. Even when he doesn’t know much about a topic, he’ll ask questions in a super curious and excited way like, “Really? So does it do yada yada yada? No way, that’s awesome!”
Just know that a topic doesn’t have to be extremely interesting for you to show excitement. I’m not passionate about Cheez-Its, but I can be pumped for some crispy cheese bites in my life.
3. Inject Positivity
Wanna know the best way to ruin a conversation? Complain a lot, have a scowl on your face, and act annoyed with everything.
On the flip side, by having fun and being positive, people will be drawn to you. Smile while you’re talking, give compliments when people earn them and see the good side of things.
You don’t need to go overboard either. For example, if your friend asks you if you want to throw the football around at the park and you want to, rather than saying, “OK,” in a monotone voice, say, “Heck yeah, I’m way down!” By doing this, you’re being positive about the activity rather than neutral.
Statements like, “That’s awesome,” “That’s interesting,” “Heck yeah,” “I love it,” and “I’m so glad you just told me that,” are all ways of being positive. You’re finding the good in things, like someone else’s presence in your life.
Positive Energy On the Go
The more you practice using positive energy, the easier it will be for you to use whenever you want. As it becomes a normal part of your life, conversations will get easier and people will be more drawn to you.
I’m curious:
- Do you find it easy or hard to bring positive energy to your conversations?
- Is this something you’d want to learn more about and get better at?
Let me know in the comments below.