Read the latest article on why you’re depressed, unhealthy or unproductive. What do you see?
“People these days spend too much time staring at iPhone, computer and TV screens. If they cut the amount of time staring at screens in half, their lives would improve dramatically.”
Honestly, I find this advice to be absolute garbage.
There might be a tiny smidgen of truth sprinkled in that statement, but it doesn’t come close to providing real, tangible ways to benefit your life. If you turn off your TV and instead pull out a deck of cards and start playing solitaire, I doubt it will change your life that much.
However, by nurturing one specific area of your life, drastic benefits can arise. So what is it you should be focusing on?
Your relationships.
Depending on what your life currently looks like, that could mean meeting more people, having more social interactions, turning acquaintances into friends, or deepening the connections with your current friends and family. It could also mean improving the relationships with your coworkers or changing the way you interact with strangers and people in the service industry.
Why Are Relationships So Important?
If you’d like to improve your health, accomplish more, reduce stress, be happier or improve your confidence, then we just answered that question. These are just some of the many amazing benefits that improving the relationships in your life can provide.
1. Improved Health
“Good connections can improve health and increase longevity.” – Harvard Medical School
According to Taking Charge, people with strong social relationships:
- Live longer
- Recover from stress faster
- Are healthier
- And even feel richer (apparently for many people doubling the number of friends they had was equivalent to a 50% increase in income!)
On the other side of the coin, there are many negative consequences for people with low social support, such as:
- Depression
- Decreased Immune Function
- Higher blood pressure
Taking Charge even says, “the health risks from being alone or isolated in one’s life are comparable to the risks associated with cigarette smoking, blood pressure, and obesity.”
2. Achieve More
During the four years I was in high school, most days consisted of roughly four hours of working out and training. I went from knowing nothing about water polo my freshman year to being captain of the team my senior year.
How was I able to accomplish so much in four years?
Accountability.
I made the commitment to my coach, my teammates, my parents and myself to be the best player I could.
Because of my relationships with these people, I was being held accountable to my commitments.
Best-selling author Tim Ferriss, a productivity and accomplishment maven, highly attributes accountability to accomplishing goals. That’s why he recommends stickk.com, where people put something on the table (money, a secret, etc.) and if they don’t finish their goal by the deadline or do what they say they would, they don’t get their money back or the secret gets sent to their friends.
The reason this site is so popular is because it works.
Being held accountable makes you much more driven to accomplish your goals. By developing strong relationships with the right people, they will help hold you accountable to your goals.
On top of that, they can also be a resource for you if you have specific questions or help. By fostering deep connections, you will have direct access to more expertise.
A word of caution: if your friends are making it harder for you to do the things that you truly desire, you should really take a hard look at how good of friends they really are. You may want to spend less time with them and possibly consider cutting them from your life.
3. Happiness, Less Stress and Peace of Mind
Having more relationships and stronger connections with people will put you much more at ease and can make you happier.
Do you need someone to help you move? Do you want someone to bring you soup because you’re sick?
Chances are much greater that you will get the help you want if you create and maintain bonds with people. Much like insurance, it puts your mind at ease knowing that there are people who you can fall back on in time of need.
On top of that, it will make you more confident. When you see that other people like you, trust you, and are willing to make sacrifices for you, it will boost your confidence, helping you believe that you have a good understanding people and the way the world works.
That confidence in turn makes you happier and less stressed, and gives your more faith in your ability to conquer your goals.
What Most People Are Doing Wrong
Most people who don’t have strong and plentiful relationships are usually lacking in one or both of these two areas: making new friends or nourishing existing relationships.
It’s almost crazy, when people want to get healthier, they will plan out their meals for the week, count calories, and read nutrition labels. Or when they want to get in shape they will track the miles they ran, check their heart rate or count the calories burned.
Yet when they want to enrich their social life and create better relationships, they just hope.
It’s easy to go through life just letting things happen. But if you really want to improve in either of these two areas, you need to consciously take action.
And if you really want to get good, you should focus on deliberate practice. That is, constantly practicing the things you have difficulty doing rather than constantly doing what you are good at.
How to Use This to Better Your Life
Consciously make an effort to meet new people, build new relationships, nourish existing ones, and practice your social skills.
It all starts with your mindset.
Have the mindset that everyone out there can teach you something new and has their own awesome experiences to share. If after some time you decide they really aren’t a great fit in your life, then stop investing your time with them.
But don’t be too quick to judge. For me, it took moving to a new city where I knew no one to realize how important this mindset is.
By hanging out with people I would normally have judged as “not my type,” I was able to meet some of my favorite people in the world. Sometimes it was the “not my type” person that I ended up liking, and just as often it was someone I met through them.
Also, you aren’t just trying to hang out with people and spend time with them, you are trying to build a real connection with them. You are trying to find people who truly intrigue you and bring out the best in you.
Improvement Is On the Horizon
As someone who has spent countless hours and many years working hard to build and improve my relationships and social skills, I can attest firsthand that improvement is possible.
And with improvement comes a much better life. You can become happier, healthier, less-stressed, and you can accomplish more.
Not only that, but by being a good friend or family member you will also be making other people’s lives better.
It doesn’t matter where you are in your life, anyone can gain from this.
If you have zero friends, you can start meeting new people and building rewarding relationships. If you have a large social circle of friends and family, you can work on deepening and nourishing the connections you have already made.
It’s easy to neglect your relationships. But if you want to move towards your highest potential in health, happiness and accomplishment, employ the benefits of social relationships.